Thursday, March 27, 2008

OMG teh MLS NEWZeZ!!!11!!!!1!!

So, I am reading Goff's blog, and I see that Dick's Sporting Goods (Heh heh -- I bet I'm the first person to notice that the company's name includes a funny word for "penis."), a sponsor of MLS and the named sponsor of Colorado's home stadium, has finally started selling MLS gear on its website, including a very nice selection of FC Dallas gear. This is a nice step in the right direction for MLS, which still struggles to get its (non-Beckham) merchandise into stores, online or otherwise. On my way to the FC Dallas page, I see the following on the sidebar:

(See full screenshot here.) From this graphic, we can deduce several exciting tidbits and even some real shockers.

First, David Beckham has been realized for the beyond-world-class talent that he is, and has been elevated to being his own team. The Galaxy must be gutted, though now they have a good bit more salary cap room.

Second, Toronto FC management has finally realized that soccer will never work in Toronto, and has sensibly moved the team to be the second club in the Dallas area, reviving the proud name of the Dallas Burn. I can only assume the team will play in Southlake to overwhelming fan response.

Third, by cleverly announcing the expansion Orlando Pirates, MLS is finally returning to Florida, or maybe South Africa. FIFA is reported to be distressed either way.

Finally, the restored San Jose Earthquakes have seen the error of their ways and have wisely abandoned one of the few names in American soccer with any significant history, severing all historical and emotional ties with those silly MLS Cup trophies and that no-talent hack George Best, and revived the glorious Nike-name San Jose Clash. Somewhere in punk rock heaven, Joe Strummer is smiling.

So there you have it, folks, DSG is giving us all the awesome news! They are taking a true leadership position in the American soccer community, and we should all be thankful. Eat your heart out, MLS Rumors.

UPDATE: As of 10am on Thursday morning, it's still posted that way.
UPDATE 2: As of 5:45 pm on Saturday, it's still posted that way. Jeez. Am I missing something? I hit "Refresh" on the browser.

Disclaimer: I'm sure I'm not the first to notice this, but I have intentionally avoided looking up any other response to the story. I wanted to work in an unadulterated creative environment because I'm awesome like that. No really. I am. Why are you laughing?

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